Mucho Stinko

I'd pretty much decided that this shirt would never again be relevant enough to purchase...until yesterday, that is. Wouldn't you know it, it's sold out?

I hope the William Gay puts this overrated clown on a stretcher this Sunday.

It's Terrible Towel Time

In less than an hour, the football season kicks off with the Titans at the Steelers. It's been three long months since I watched a sporting event that meant anything (at least to me). It's been a nice little break...but I've missed getting all disproportionally worked up about shit that I have no control over whatsoever. So seeya later, fingernails...it was nice knowin' ya!

PREDICTION: Steelers 24-10

The Football Fan's Manifesto

New on the bookshelves today is Michael Tunison's The Football Fan's Manifesto, which, in addition to being a pretty freaking hilarious, cradle-to-the-grave look at the rabid fans of the NFL, also features a dozen or so spot illos by yours truly! I was honored to get the call from Mike to provide some art for his book...in addition to being a Steelers fan and just an all-around swell dude, he's also one of the funniest football bloggers (hell, football writers) I've ever seen, as evidenced by his body of work on the uproarious, ribald Kissing Suzy Kolber site, where he writes as Christmas Ape. His DC Steeler Nation blog is a hoot, also.

So get yourself ready for some football by zipping over to Amazon and ordering The Football Fan's Manifesto, already!

Flacco Fail

Much as I think Todd MacFarlane is an arrogant jerk who couldn't draw his way out of a paper bag, I grudgingly have to give him credit for one thing: Making cool action figures (and especially for making cool action figures of hockey players in Quebec Nordiques uniforms). He missed the boat on this one, though.

Football Dollies

If your Steeler love extends to action figures, you'll be happy to see these upcoming Macfarlane figures: Big Ben passing to Santonio Holmes, and Hines Ward in his University of Georgia uniform. They also had one of Peyton Manning in his Tennessee gear. I snapped these pix at Comic-Con in San Diego last week.

Devils Re-hire Jacques Lemaire

So Long, Scuds

Can't really begrudge Rob Scuderi's signing of a huge free agent deal with the LA Kings...He's solid and dependable, and though I'm not quite sure he's worth the 4 million-plus Los Angeles will be paying him, I am sure his stock will never be higher. I'm sorry to see him go, but I suppose you gotta cash in while you can.

One very real question...wouldn't you kinda figure the 2.5M the Penguins probably would've paid him would go about as far in Pittsburgh as 4M will in Los Angeles, if not farther?

Havin' a Drink with Lord Stanley

That just about says it all!

But Will He Be #3 or #13?

Personally, I'm hoping #3.

Pens ink Gogo to three year deal.

I Had To

My first "LOL", and the last word on Maid Marian.

Must Watch

Wow. Can the CBC put together a Stanley Cup Playoffs montage or what!

Pens Win!

The Penguins win the Stanley Cup.

THE PENGUINS WIN THE STANLEY CUP!

No art to post...I was way too superstitious to draw something ahead of time.

Rest assured, I'll post some mind-blowing shit in the coming days.

Meanwhile, here's a look at last year's SCF illo, which has finally come true!

LET'S GO PENS!

Best of One

Several times, over the last two weeks, visions of what might happen occasionally pop into my head. There was a scene of Marian Hossa skating around the Mellon Arena ice with the Stanley Cup held high that I couldn't shake, nightmarish as it was. It was the worst thing I could think of, and at times seemed not only possible but likely.

Thankfully, I don't have to worry about that anymore.

There's another scene I occasionally catch a glimpse of, but it's seldom more than that. It's of Sidney Crosby, smiling like a madman and screaming, skating toward his teammates and holding the cup over his head.

Tonight's the night it could happen.

Anyone you talk to will give you any number of statistical and historical reasons why the Penguins will lose this game. The next guy will throw out a half-dozen stats that say it's destiny that they win.

An entire season comes down to one single game. How insane is that?

What an opportunity. What a time to be a Pittsburgh Penguins fan.

BELIEVE.

Eff Detroit

I was gonna try not to post anything negative about the opponent today, but then this came to my attention.

Nothing like preemptive whining. I'd expect this from somebody like Dan Steinberg, but for a guy who lives in a city where the home team has won 4 of the last twelve championships? Of course, if the mighty Red Wing machine does happen to lose tonight, it won't be because the Penguins beat them, but because the fix is in and that's how the NHL wants it.

Mike Thompson is a joke.

If you were cynical, you could point to this kind of mentality as the reason why the city of Detroit is the crab louse on America's salty, sweaty crotch, Michigan. Decades of placing the blame on the city's sorry state elsewhere, rather than the industry's own refusal to innovate and see the writing on the wall. You could argue that it's a city of losers and no-account excuse-makers.

If you were cynical.

Believe

The Stanley Cup Playoffs are a exhilarating, merciless, relentless bitch. There is nothing in sports more emotionally draining. An important game almost every other day for almost two months. One day, you're on top of the world; the next, the depths of despair. And the longer it goes, the more intense it gets. Don't get me wrong...it's light-years better than the alternative. But it will take it outta ya.

The last 72 hours have been a rollercoaster. I've hit that bottom, and managed to climb out. Seriously, Saturday night might as well have been last season, it feels like it happened so long ago. That's why my spirits are up and my sense is that we're headed for a Game Seven.

The unthinkable is close...too close for comfort, really. You have to know it's a possibility. It's a vomit-inducing, nightmare scenario...I honestly can't imagine anything worse. And it's staring all of us right in the face.

But, what the fuck...I've come this far, and I've believed all season...there's no reason to pack it in now. That the Pens are even in this situation is so unlikely, so infeasible, lends power to that belief. If you could have faith in this team back in February when the dirt was raining down, you can have faith now.

Go Pens.

Good Vibes

• 25 years ago today, the Pittsburgh Penguins drafted Mario Lemieux. While the Steelers are and will likely always be the #1 team in town, it's hard to argue against #66 being the most beloved and important athlete in Pittsburgh.

• At the mall today, some random dude noticed my Penguins cap and said "Keep the faith."

• "Penguins" must've been the word of the day on Sesame Street, 'cause they were all over the place today!

The Other Foot

Game Five is exactly five hours away. I've waited until now to talk about it for fear of jinxing it.

This is the sixth time Detroit has been to the Stanley Cup finals in the last fourteen years...four times, they've won it easily. Tonight is the closest thing to a "must-win" they've faced since Game Three in New Jersey in 1995...which they lost en route to being swept by the Devils. Finally, they're being pressured. Now to see how they'll respond.

Make no mistake, The Penguins aren't gonna break them. But if they can bend them just enough, when they drive that Cup up into the Igloo on Tuesday night, it'll be the home team with a chance to hoist it.

Go Pens.

Pirates Trade Their Star

Again. This time it's Nate McLouth, who made the All-Star team last year and won a Gold Glove. He heads to the Atlanta Braves in exchange for three prospects who are no immediate threat to make the Big Club. Pirate fans are up in arms about this, believing it's yet another in a seemingly never-ending list of great player the team has traded away for little return. I'm hardly what you'd call a Pirates apologist...though I still identify myself as a Bucs fan even after almost two decades of shitty baseball and shittier management...but I don't really have a problem with this move. Sure, on the Pirates McLouth is a star...but as my baseball stats-obsessed pal Greg likes to point out, "A star for the Pirates is a fourth outfielder on a good team".

Maybe the prospects pan out, maybe they don't. I was all ready to decide McLouth was my favorite player, until I recently discovered that A. He's a Red Wangs fan, and B. He skipped his team's recent meeting with the president because, as he told Stan Savran and Guy Junker on their ESPN 1250 radio show on May 20th, "I don't like this administration." (pretty amazing how ardent these conservative creeps are in their demand that you "respect the office", as long as their guy is occupying said office. Otherwise, go ahead and blow off the president. Classy.). So, good riddance, jagoff.

Kiss of Death

Hopefully, things work out for the Red Wangs as well as they did for the Cavs.

Notes on Game Three

Fuck the Detroit fans, bloggers, etc. and their ridiculous, whiny conspiracy theories. There is no plot in place by the NHL and Gary Bettman to keep you from winning. If you believe this in your heart, you're a joke. There's nothing worse on earth than a sore winner.

Fuck Mike Babcock, and his "Crosby's a dirty player, he's a head-hunter, wait, sorry, no he's not." routine.

Fuck know-nothing peddler of cry porn Mitch Albom, who just started watching hockey last week when the season finales of Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty and Brothers and Sisters freed up a few of his nights. Fuck Morrie too.

But most of all, fuck me. Fuck me for almost giving up and losing the faith on Sunday night.

Make no mistake, if the Penguins don't win tonight and Thursday, it's over. I will be enraged on a level I seldom reach. I will wish horrible things on complete strangers, things that will fuck up my karma for years.

Tonight is the last shot at redemption, and let's face it, the odds aren't great. But I've believed all season, and I see no reason to stop now.

Go Pens.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2009 - Finals Edition

Here we are again. Penguins vs. Red Wings, round two. Boy, when I think back about how confident I was at the start of last year's finals, it's almost embarrassing. This year, I'm confident again, but in a much more measured, cautious and realistic way. Much as it goes with the teams involved themselves, you gotta learn to lose before you can learn to win. Suffice to say, this series will be analyzed and broken down by people much more qualified and knowledgeable than me, so I'll stick with what I do best: Gut reactions and homeresque logic. I think the Pens have learned all there is to know about losing, and that they're now poised to learn a thing or two about winning. Hell yes I believe.

Pittsburgh Penguins in six.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2009 - Conference Finals

(2) Detroit Red Wings vs. (4) Chicago Blackhawks

I case I haven't mentioned it before, I hate the Detroit Red Wings. In every round thus far, I've wanted to pick against 'em (especially in the semis against the Ducks, who I really had a feeling might take 'em...and came close, taking them to seven games), but haven't quite had the guts to do so. This, however, is where that changes.

I might be going with my heart over my head here, but I'm picking Chicago, and here's why: While the prevailing feeling seems to be that, similar to what happened to last year's Penguins team, the Blackhawks are young and lack the experience of their opponent, and will be on the mat facing an eight-count before they know what hit them. The problem with that theory is that these Blackhawks have already played the Red Wings six times this season, winning two and losing four, with two of the losses coming via shootout. They're familiar, and they know what to expect.

Also, the Red Wings, despite the addition of gutless cockwallet Marian Hossa, seem a little less dominant than they did last year, and all of their already old-ass lineup is even older. I think they're ripe for the picking. Blackhawks in seven.



(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (6) Carolina Hurricanes

So many little subplots in this one. The brothers Staal going at it with a trip to the finals at stake. Bill Cowher turning his back on his old home team and embracing the Hurricanes. But little actual hate. In fact, having spent years in living North Carolina, the Canes are one of those teams I generally root for when the Penguins aren't involved. Hell, I even created the banner for David Lee's Red and Black Hockey blog back before he migrated to Kukla's Korner. That said, I expect the warm fuzzy feelings to dissipate pretty quickly once the teams take the ice (and I already find another of their bloggers supremely annoying).

Both teams play a similar style and create a lot of offense, although I'd give a decided edge to the Pens skill players and their ability to score consistently. I think this series comes down to Cam Ward. If he can take over games the way he's capable and steal one, the Penguins may be in trouble. But if Evgeni Malkin can get on a hot streak and start scoring goals the way he's capable, look out.

My pal and Canes fan Davis made a trek down to Raleigh back in early April for the final regular season game between these teams, and although the Pens lost 3-2 in overtime, it was easily one of the most entertaining games I've ever been to. If there's a game six, we plan to make the trek again...so it'd be absolutely insane for me to predict anything besides Penguins in six.